Well boys and girls, it's that time of the year again when men act like assholes, women act like men and they both stuff their faces with hot wings, pizza, chips with dip and gallons of beer. It's one of the biggest days in sports, the Super bowl. Or, as I like to call it, The Stupid Bowl!
Football. A game when grown men try and tackle each other for a piece of dead pig. Where running up and down a field is considered fun and the ball needs to be kicked through a huge fork or run to the brightly colored zone. Where concussions and neck injuries are just a Every-day thing and grass stains are a mark of honor. Millions of people tune in to watch these men toss a ball to each other and run after the one with the it. How fun. Its cute to see them all get along, isn't it? They are all playing so nicely. They also play for the right to wear rings and keep a trophy. Why not just go and buy a ring and a trophy with all the millions you make tossing a ball to someone. That would be easier
I just have to say football is becoming more and more gay as I think about it. Its a game where an all male team, who are sweaty, run after each other, jump on them and slap each other on the ass. They play to win a ring, they have to get new uniforms before coming onto the field and "paint" their faces up. There is a man whispering into another mans ear telling him which plays to run and what to do. They huddle up together to talk out everything, and look at the uniforms. They are so tight, you can see everything. If this is a manly sport, then I wanna play.
I think people make a huge hipe over nothing. Unless its your team playing, who cares. Men are stanch opponents of every team but their own until they get knocked out of the running to play at the stupid bowl. Then they are quick to get behind one of the two teams playing. How is this right? Around here, a lot of people are Steelers or Eagles fans. Now however, I see Steelers and Eagles fans backing either the 49ers or the Ravens. What the hell? What happened to "Nobody is better than my team!" "Yeah,I've been a ____ Fan for twenty two years now. Born with ____ blood running through my veins." Aren't you selling out one day a year for another team? Its like cheating. "Its ok honey, its only for a couple hours one day a year. What they don't know,won't hurt them."
If it were not for the commercials, I would not even think about the stupid bowl. I mainly watch for the Doritos commercials. All others are just bonus. I saw a good one with Hyundai and a team of little kids playing against bullies. (Right on Hyundai. I love your cars and now your commercials.) Lets face it, most people want to see the commercials. Why else do you stay put in between plays and calls? Everyone wants to see a little kid kick his dad in the balls and have him squeal like a little girl. Its the American way. How else would we sell anything? You don't want to by a tampon from two women bitching about their periods, unless that its Tina Fey and Amy Poehler talking about it and they throw it on some random guys face and pour beer on it to show how absorbent it is. That sells!
The half time show, how else could we keep all the people who hate football entertained in the middle of it. Just as you are loosing what little interest you have in the game, Bam!, someone starts singing and dancing in a shinny costume and peoples interest in whats on the t.v. is boosted. Whether its Janet Jackson's nipple, Bruce Springston singing your favorite song or Beyonce possibly getting back together with Destinies Child, people tune in to see it. (Though after the whole Janet Jackson Nipple fiasco, The Half Time Show became older and "safer." I am still not sure who would want to see Janet's nipple, but hey, if you want to see something over forty years old, droopy, stomach churning and not made for t.v., I'll show you a picture of Joan Rivers.
Anyhow, whether you are stuffing your face, rooting for your team or just in it for the commercials, I hope you have a good time watching the stupid bowl.
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