Did you ever live next to someone or a group of people you just don't like? Not the I don't like you because you're shady, but the I despise you because you are rude, loud and a douche. I live next to a small circus of mental cases. I'm sure if they ever wanted to borrow a cup of sugar I would make give it to them laced in cyanide. The mom is constantly yelling. Not the, get your shoes, kind of yelling, but the "What the F**k! who's is that girl?!?" yelling. The kids are running up and down the hallway yelling and banging on the walls. Very sure the parents taught them to do this. The littlest one is always crying at the top of her lungs and no one says anything to her. (Someone needs to smack that kid. Don't worry it's ok, they suck at parenting anyway.) The dad just yells back about everything. Its in a high pitched yell on top of it. He sounds like Pee Wee Herman getting castrated.
There is no peace. I think God must be punishing me for something I did years ago. Maybe making fun of someone, the big guy was thinking- Oh yeah, I've got the perfect thing for that. Just wait.- I swear they wait until I get home. I can see them thinking - Ok, he's home LETS DO THIS! Or, He's reading lets fight about the dishes or better yet, the time of day. That will annoy him.
It does not help that the walls of our apartment are super thin. I mean thin like dollar store tampons. I think they could have splurged for actual sheet rock instead of sheets of paper. Instead I have to hear them yell about the following things on a daily basis: School, work, food, money, him, her, the kids, the car, cheating, mail, cleaning, cheating, a movie, the parents, the sister, friends, him, her, the kids and so on. (No the doubles are not mistakes, they literally run out of things to fight about and just revisit topics to fill the time.
Meanwhile in my apartment I just sit here and do my thing with extremely loud background noise. Its like a Mexican soap opera. Who will hit who first? Will she throw him out again? Who is the other woman? Find out next time on, " Shitty Neighbors." If they spoke in a different language, it wouldn't be that bad. I could at least ad-lib and create a story about their lives. Maybe Mr. loud shitty neighbor just got home from a long day of working at Taco Bell and is looking to have a nice quiet evening but Mrs loud shitty neighbor is mad that he did not bring any diarrhea inducing Tacos home for them to eat, and she of course sits home all day doing nothing and has no time to make dinner. She has to spend her day ordering packages from Zappos that sit in the middle of the hallway and block the entrances to other peoples apartments. She also can't go outside to throw her nasty ass garbage in the outside can, so she leaves it in the front hallway for everyone to smell their decomposing food. Oh the joys of living next to responsible people.
Lets talk about their lack of taking the laundry room garbage out. I think its fair that every other month they should take it and empty it. Nope! That's to hard for them to do. Maybe its because they failed high school and their moms never taught them to do it. I have no clue, but when you live in a building with others, how about you have the decency to at least stay out of the way of other people. When you get my mail, just knock on the door and hand it back instead of stuffing it in the mailbox and wrinkling it.
The best part is when we yell back at them through the walls. After the 3:30 am wake up call where the wife was literally throwing his stuff out into the parking lot, I just about don't care anymore. She was screaming at him in the "Common Area" or hallway and tossing his stuff out when I awoke. I was pissed, and Jim asked me not to go out there. HA! Like I would stay in bed. I walked into the hall way in my boxers and shirt. Still yelling at him with me staring at her. I asked her if there was anything wrong. She took that as a sign that I was interested in her fight. I said "No, no, that's my way of making myself known so you can be quiet since its 3 in the morning." She started talking about her baby. "I said well she's probably up as well with how loud your being." She kept talking. I was pissed. "I'm really sure I'm gonna call the police in about two seconds if you can't be quiet." The husband said sorry and that they would be quiet.
After that Jim and I just yell at them through the wall and make fun of them. I make no attempt to be quiet or even civil. I figure if they don't have the courtesy, then neither do I. While Jim makes duck noises and I simply yell in many different tonal inflections about random things (The water is pickled Book bag socks!!) is not exactly a normal thing to do, it works for us. And hey, if we can get a little enjoyment out of a bad situation, you better believe we're gonna take it. After all, they are our neighbors.
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